


Helt Ensam

by timothylipton (siobhanroy)



Series: spöke [1]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Attempted Murder, Blood and Gore, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Violence, Drama, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Forced Marriage, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Psychological Trauma, Psychopathology & Sociopathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28755051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siobhanroy/pseuds/timothylipton
Summary: LOVE SUDDENLY BECOMES A COLD WAR.Set in New York, Helt Ensam unravels the relationship of Caleb Cardale, a sporting goods designer and promising aspiring musician, with his fiance, Julien. Its starting point is the morning after a fight between the couple and the questions that follows.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: spöke [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108163
Kudos: 2





	1. Julien

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Helt Ensam (pt-br)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28753563) by [siobhanroy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/siobhanroy/pseuds/siobhanroy)



> This short story is a prequel for Hidden, my future novel, but it could be read as a stand alone.

**Nov 10, 2015 7:45 AM**

Julien is the type of man who believes in love as the center of the universe. For him, being in a relationship is to be the main pillar in his partner's life and let the other one be the same pillar in his. So he doesn't feel guilty in the morning after the fight, in fact he is more bothered by Caleb not being in bed when he wakes up than by the idea of hitting his fiance again, even after all the behavioral therapy and exercises that should have led him to become his best version.

The discussion was focused on the triviality of celebrating the anniversary of their relationship. They'll be toghether for four years on Friday. For Julien the date must be sacred, an immaculate day amidst its turbulent routines where one could focus one hundred percent on the other, Caleb thinks differently. He, who insists on working as a sporting goods designer even knowing that his partner earns five times as much in a month and may well support him, decided that it would be a good idea to arrange a performance as a singer, a hobby he calls a dream, for their special date.

“It's our anniversary!” The brownish man had protested for the eighth time that night, his patience was already wearing thin. He knews that this situation should be easily resolved with a dialogue. His therapist had told him to listen more to what Caleb had to say, but this time it was he who was not being heard.

“I know that" Caleb sighed, the fact that he was paying more attention to the guitar in his lap than the conversation just made it all the more frustrating for Julien "You can go see me play and then we have dinner. Doesn't it look good?”

“It would be great, if I hadn't already made plans.”

“Plans I haven't been consulted on”

“I consulted you, your little piece of shit!” Julien blew up, it wasn't his intention, but Caleb's acting out was the last straw.

Julien had questioned him about their fourth birthday in the summer, while they were having a picnic in the park and sharing random ideas about banal stuff. The subject in question came up when Caleb finished strumming a newly composed song on the guitar.

“Incredible” He applauded his partner for a few moments and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Caleb laughed.

“Do you know how this one is called?” He questioned.

“Julien thirty-one?”

“Almost. J twenty-three.”

“Twenty-three songs about me? I think things are getting a little serious here” The brownish caressed the brunette's chin with his thumb and maintained eye contact “Do you know what I was thinking?”

“Uh...” Caleb murmured, one of his habits that Julien most disliked.

“I want to organize a surprise for our four-year anniversary.”

“Okay” The brunette agreed without much enthusiasm, he was not really the type of person who overestimated dates and it’s celebrations. He was marked by moments, not the days when they happened.

The important thing is that at that time they already had Cartier engagement rings in their hands, but they were in no hurry to make the marriage official. Even so, taking the groom's yes, Julien began planning the wedding for the winter in which them would be four years together and would not give in on Caleb's foolish whim.

“Why don't you support my fucking dreams instead of forcing me to go on whatever rich boy thing you have planned?”

“You're being unfair Caleb” Julien clenched his fists and took a deep breath, he didn't want to be the kind of guy who loses control after a long battle to prove himself a gentleman, but he didn't know how longer he could take the selfishness of the person he loved.

“Do you know how long I've been dreaming about this?” Caleb puts the guitar aside and looks his partner in the eyes pleading with him to give in “Please, there will be producers there ...”

“And do you think you're good enough to get a contract?” He didn't want to have to do that, but he did, because he knew that deep down his fiancé was the type of person who learned through pain. Caleb needed to have his dreams crushed in order to measure how ungrateful he was being. Julien was sure that this music thing was his way of asserting himself in the relationship, a banality to highlight his ambition, what he didn't really understand was that his partner didn't mind meeting all his needs, he even preferred that things were like that.

“Go fuck yourself!” Cardale explodes, then gets up and pushes his partner in the chest “You fucking spoiled!”

Taking a closer look at the events of the night, the lack of remorse becomes inevitable for Julien, before anything he has been challenged, attacked and assaulted in his own house. Officially Caleb Cardale had thrown the bait, all he did was bite it.

His fist found Caleb's face before he had time to think, so it was done, something inside him, which he believed to have extinguished with Dr. Susan's help, was awake again. It was the thing, the monster, that used Caleb's guitar to bring him to the floor and then destroyed the instrument by striking it incessantly against the oak coffee table until only the guitar's broken arm and some of its loose strings remained in his hands.

For a moment he resigned himself to the act of violence he had orchestrated against the man he loved, but that feeling was short-lived. When the redness on his face subsided and his breath stabilized, he was already overcome with disgust, disgusted Caleb for having forced him to do what he did.


	2. Caleb

** Nov 10, 2015 8:30 AM **

Caleb still a little dizzy from the painkillers he swallowed at dawn when he hears the shower in the suite in the morning. He knows that he will receive a prince when Julien leaves his room, but honestly he does not feel an ounce of desire to see his groom at the moment. He doesn't know if he's going to forgive him this time, he wants to pack up and go to the house he inherited from his parents, but deep down he is too much asshole to end the only solid thing in his life.

_ I wanted him to die  _ , he thinks, but he doesn't have the courage to verbalize the desire.

Sometimes, when the need for a safe haven becomes very great, Caleb remembers that, despite everything, he is in control of the situation. Even though he is submissive to the aggressions, he knows that it is Julien who gets the most fucked up in the head with each encounter. If Caleb leaves him, he will be ruined, men like him do not survive long alone with their own insanity. Knowing this is sadistically comforting, nothing can be compared to the pain we cause indirectly, it is fatal, it only emerges when it’s too late to do anything.

He turns off the shower. Caleb abandons the cartoon episode he's watching and pretends to be asleep on the couch. Julien will know that he is awake, but will enter the theater to wake his soul mate in the sweetest way possible. After cruelty he becomes what everyone wants, the perfect man, shaped by the overwhelming gentleman model built by Jane Austen and other fiction works made for people tired of real men.

“Caleb” J whispers lovingly and deposits kisses on the Cardale's face taking care not to touch the wounds, the blood has dried up, but the newly formed cones are too fragile for any kind of contact.

“Good morning” Caleb whispers breathlessly, he knows that his partner doesn't feel guilty, but he likes to see his unconvincing imitation of a repentant man.

“I'm sorry” He tries a hug, but recoils from the grunt of pain that the groom emits when he is touched on the side of his body full of bruises of strange colors, he feels disgusting when painted by shades of purple, blue, green and yellow left by the blows “Do you want to go to the doctor?”

Caleb almost laughs, but decides not to leave the character.

The first time they fought, Julien got a little too heavy, when Caleb regained consciousness almost eleven hours later he could barely move without kicking in pain like a newborn. He agreed to go to the doctor, only to discover that his fractures would be treated at a pediatric clinic that belonged to a close friend of his boyfriend. He felt like crap, but he was not brave enough to finish, by that time he was already able to measure the power and influence that his partner had, it was enough to make him terrified.

“ I'm fine” He opened his eyes and sat on the couch “I have to go to work.”

“I called your work and said you rolled on a staircase”

“I didn't have to, I feel perfectly capable of going.”

It wasn't exactly a lie, Caleb just wanted to forget about Julien for a few hours and empty his mind with dubious designed sporting goods.

“Silly boy” Julien kisses him on the mouth and even his taste makes him sick “You need to rest” He strokes the top of the brunette's head and walks away “I'm going to make breakfast”

Caleb says nothing, just sits and waits while watching stupid cartoons on television. Normality is reinstated at the same speed as the bruises disappear, the process is slow and useless, because sooner or later things will break again, they always do.

The news hits him at breakfast. He's trying hard to look excited and eat at least one of the molasses-soaked French toast, but chewing on hurts, talking on hurts, and moving his arms makes it all worse

“I don't want you to hate me” Julien says at one point.

“I don't hate you”

“I need to tell you something”

“What?”

“It's about the birthday surprise ...”

“You don't have to ruin your surprise because of me.” Caleb offers a friendly smile.

“I organized our Wedding” Julien announces, smiling.

Caleb wants to pierce his own jugular with his fork. He takes a sip of the bitter orange juice without knowing exactly where to look or go, suddenly the modern open-concept apartment seems too small for the shame he's feeling.

“I'm so happy” He says crying, but the tears that soak his face are not happy, it's just a way that exhaustion finds to leave his body “Friday?”

“Yeah.”

“When are we going to work out the details?”

“Details?” Julien frowned, certain that no comma had escaped of the perfect wedding ceremony he had organized.

“Pre-nuptial, you know, the boring part ...” He commented while wiping his eyes with his index fingers.

“I don't want to do pre-nuptials, when we get married, what is mine will be yours, and what is yours will be mine" Julien smiled, which was supposed to outline happiness in its fullest form, but Caleb could see the malice behind the facet of joy.

The lack of a prenuptial agreement was his sentence, if he did not leave Julien before the wedding he would be bound by him and his empire forever. After the union will come heirs he doesn't want, beach houses in his name, shares in the company, family trips and thousands of other political locks that will make him and J one person until the end of their lives.

Caleb had undergone many things through this relationship, but he could not endure the ultimatum without trying to save himself one last time.

#

** Nov 10, 2015 11:35 PM  **

Caleb waited a few minutes after Julien left for work and put some of his breakfast out in the kitchen sink. The beige, smelly bile was taken by the food shredder in just a few seconds, so he forced himself to vomit again just to watch the whirlpool disappear down the drain one more time.

“Helt ensam” He whispered to himself at the height of his crisis, it was the first expression he learned when he arrived in Sweden to live with his uncles, it means all alone, it was what he was supposed to say if some local authority showed up in the long periods of absence of the tutors.

Looking back he concludes that he has been alone for too long and this has made him unlearn to receive attention, so he started to reveal all kinds of humiliation so that he no longer has to deal with any degree of loneliness. Now all he wanted to do was go back in time and repeat to himself:

“Ensamhet”

Solitude.

He was taught from an early age that loneliness was a bad thing, a non-canonical sin to avoid in order to achieve some good life. He never really understood why he needed people he didn't depend on, but he tried his best to fit in the spaces that opened doors for him.

He told the professors that he liked responsibilities, so he was given insignificant titles on the student council and other political committees that equaled fucking nothing in essence. He studied football, rugby and girls to have a place in the boys' group. Talked about porn, hot babes and pussy, it was enough to camouflage the vast majority. Once, at a school freshman dance, he had a heterosexual experience with a girl named Lara and he didn't feel bad about it, even though he wanted to be in her place, with someone's cock in his mouth, he liked to imagine that everyone else were also like him. Half people, half characters, living under the constant dependence on masks that made them interesting enough to belong something.

He thought he was finally free when he returned to New York to go to college, but freedom lasts as long as the effect of a drug used too many times. Without the uncles or the group of kids he accompanied, he felt the need to belong to something new.

He embarked on all kinds of relationships, friendships that only wanted to take advantage of academic work, fraternities that liked to use his home out off campus, and guys who just wanted sex, money, or realise some kind of strange fetish with him. He was not happy, but at least he was not alone.

It was not difficult for him to get attached to Julien, his passion and ambition made him different from everyone else. Beside him Caleb felt clean and interesting, he had never felt that way around anyone and would do anything to preserve the newfound sensation.

Sometimes self-awareness takes too long to arrive.

There was never room for religion in his life, he believed that all gods were cruel, but in the height of the fever that burned his guts he knelt and begged for anything in the universe who’d be listening. He offered his devotion, his music, all the passions he could remember, but all that the kneeling minutes in the kitchen porcelain offered him was a reaffirmation of his deepest beliefs.

No god would come to save him.

He was completely alone.


	3. Prenuptial

**Nov 11, 2015 3 : 32 AM**

C woke up in the middle of the night a little feverish and found J watching him sitting in one of the armchairs in the room, the open blinds made the incidence of artificial luminosity of the city reflect in his eyes in a dark way. It was like being in front of a demon who could achieve anything but dominate you, and that was his greatest wish.

Then Caleb knew.

You cannot escape a demon, wherever you go, the demon follows you, like a weight on your back until you become a crawling being that begs for any crumb of mercy. To get rid of a demon you have to destroy it, even so, the consequences of its presence will remain with you forever, non-physical scars that will itch at the most inopportune moments to remind you where you came from.

He needs to kill Julien before it's too late. 

#

**Nov 11, 2015 9:26 AM**

Caleb wakes up the next morning and the idea is still there, _the parasite that devours brains_ , he thinks, aware that his morals are dulled by some sick survival instinct whose limit he is unaware of. As soon as he wakes up, he decides to pretend everything it's okay one last time, then he hugs J from behind and lets his rich boy colony get him drunk. He will not miss it, if he end up facing a loneliness so overwhelming that physical abuse sounds like affection again, he will know exactly where to go and what perfume ask to try in order to activate shelved memories. Will be content with that, this editing work where he can cut out only the happy parts and dispense the rest to oblivion, he’s sure of never wanting to love someone again. 

He gets out of bed suddenly and goes to the dining room, separates a beautiful, but not so special, dish and orders breakfast in a place that Julien appreciates, the gesture will not go unnoticed. Diplomacy between them works like this, between the lines, where the more casual attitudes become announcements of peace and mark the end of the small wars between them.

He doesn’t not take a shower, if the pressure of the water reactivates the waves of pain he may end up stabbing his fiancé in the breakfast, without any planning. Damp towels do a reasonable job when complemented with deodorant and perfume, he bandages his chest, covers his face with the expensive foundation that he only applies when he goes with J to events with photographers and finishes organizing the dining room with linen napkins and ornamental cutlery.

“Good Morning!” Said Julien as he entered the space, he finished buttoning the shirt sleeve, kissed C's lips and took his place at the head of the table.

“Good morning my love” Caleb filled the groom's cup with coffee and then pour himself.

“Are we celebrating something?”

“Not really” The brunette puts a banana muffin on his plate “I just want to raise a definitive white flag, we need to turn this page completely before the wedding.”

“I agree” He takes a sip of coffee.

Caleb feels it's not enough, so he takes off one of his shoes and decides to appeal to a teenage tease under the table. Julien loves sex, C likes the opportunity to exercise power over someone in complete vulnerability, it is the only area where the roles between them were reversed.

“Are you sure you want to do this here?”

“You're right” The brunette unexpectedly stops stimulating and takes his foot off Julien's dick “I think we better wait until later, I have an important project and don't want to be late”

J looks at him in a strange way, a mixture of sudden desire with his true self, the miserable and spoiled demon who needs to have his desires fulfilled in his time for the good of the people around him.

Caleb doesn't budge, he wipes his mouth with his napkin, moves the chair away and goes to the bedroom get his coat.

“See you later!” He says goodbye without returning to the dining room.

“Up until!”

“I love you, Julien.”

#

**Nov 11, 2015 1:30 PM**

When noon arrives, Caleb still doesn't have a good idea of how to kill his fiancé, so he needs to wait until lunchtime to attack his teammates with a subtle search full of ulterior motives.

With a clipboard in hand, he marches to the table where his gang usually has lunch and waits for everyone to arrive, Paul, the funny and a little boring Irishman is his first victim.

“How would you kill someone, Pauly”

“WHAT?” The Irishman coughs and his blood accumulates on his face, leaving him with the color of a pig, C tries to remember some conversation in which he mentioned being Catholic or some religion where murder is a sin.

“It's for a project” He explains “I'm developing skates that must be killer ...”

“I'm not the right person to help you” He takes a sip of water and opens his salad, Caleb steals a cherry tomato “Ask Martha, I bet she thinks about that kind of thing all the time. Are you okay?”

“Hm” The brunette frowns.

“The fall” Explains “Julien called to let us know, we were worried”

“I'm perfectly fine” Caleb smiles.

Martha and Willa, the sisters who work on the water sports session, arrive to complete the spotless lunch circle. Willa offers C a peach that he forces hmself to eat cause he likes her and knows that she somehow cares about him. He decides not to ask the sisters morbid questions, he is afraid that they will notice something and do some kind of intervention.

“Your dreadlocks look beautiful Martha”

He moves the chair away.

“Thanks”

“I need to do something” He says before getting up “See you guys later”

He spends the rest of lunch talking to other areas of the company, but he doesn't get many interesting and easy-to-cover answers. Back in his office, he begins to work on a pair of skates with the influence of different aesthetics to not raise suspicions about his intentions.

**CALEB'S ULTIMATE LIST TO KILL HIS FIACE**

“ _I would fill the person's throat with marbles while sleeping”_

**— Sonia, fashion intern.**

“ _choking, then cutting, putting some parts to dissolve in acid, removing the dental arch, shaving the hair, taking the rest, putting it in plastic bags, putting these bags in a suitcase with stones and burying that suitcase, then picking up some sick dog , would speed up the sacrifice process and bury his body two meters above where the suitcase is buried”_

**— Rey, people management.**

“ _Shot in the face”_

— **Joe, guy who brings coffee.**

“I would _push the person in the tiger’s cage at the zoo”_

**— Lily, a girl who is always attested by a doctor.**

“ _Butcher the person while alive”_

**—** **Michael, human resources department**.

“ _Choking with a plastic bag”_

**— also Joe.**

“ _I think poison”_

**—** **Lou, distribution logistics.**

#

**Nov 12, 2015 12:41 AM**

Caleb worked on the shoes as if there was no tomorrow, a tactic to get home late and not have to lick the balls of the guy he intends to kill.

Julien was already in tenth sleep when the brunette went to bed, he insisted on aligning himself with the other's body, mirroring his pose as if J were the original and C was a puppet.

“Sorry, love” He whispers and puts a kiss on his partner's forehead “I got too excited about the project”

When he closes his eyes he cannot sleep, so he lets his mind fantasize, wandering through different outcomes for tomorrow.

In one of them, Caleb realizes that he was being foolish and that he cannot wish the death of the one he loves, in this fantasy he can even see the wedding, an extremely elitist winter ball, but unforgettable, his gift would be an expensive and difficult to play, guitar, a gesture of Julien to start this new phase leaving the problems of the past in the past.

He particularly liked the other path his imagination had taken.

In this idealization Caleb simply wakes up in the middle of the night and decides to do it, he doesn't think about the consequences, he doesn't care what comes next as long as J is no longer in this world. In the kitchen he chooses the murder weapon, the professional knife they only use when serving a whole pig on the barbecue. The blade is accurate when cutting J's throat, but Caleb needs to use his fingers to ensure his success in the job. His fiance tries to struggle, but it is too late. Of all the memories, good ones and bad ones, the Only he would hate to forget is the exact moment when the light in Julien's eyes goes out.

After that, the brunette would honor his esteem, reveling in his blood and then turning him over on the bed to open his chest cavity and take what was his. Julien's guts would turn into strings for his guitar, so they would finally be even.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Caleb dawns with an unexplained erection between his legs.

#

**Nov 12, 2015 12:30 PM**

Julien answers on the first ring.

“Hello”

“Hey” Caleb hesitates for a moment “Do you have some important meeting this afternoon?”

“Not.”

“Can you meet me at the Brooklyn Pier at six o’clock?”

“Does it have to be in Brooklyn?”

“Hm” Caleb bites his bottom lip and wraps the phone cord around his indicator finger “I'm kind of anxious about tomorrow ... Come on, you haven't even shown me what I'm going to wear ...” He let out a low laugh “I just want to talk to you away from the hustle and bustle of the city”

“Okay” Julien agrees “Just don't be late”

“Right” C takes a deep breath “I love you”

#

**Nov 12, 2015 5:50 PM**

Caleb feels dirty, he doesn't know if it is an indication that he will feel remorse, but he hopes not. The sensation, an ugly chaser of a street mongrel, started when he left the gun shop. He wasn't after a pistol or anything, he wanted a pocket knife to cut Julien's throat, but he wasn't sure what he was doing, so he let himself be carried away by the wit of a crafty salesman and ended up with a karambit knife.

“What is the knife for?” The man asked softly and slightly surly.

“Hm” The brunette grunted before taking in the question, he was bothered by all the rifles and shotguns that decorated the walls like Christmas stuff “Self-defense” He gave an embarrassed smile “I live in a dangerous neighborhood”

The little man straightened a lock of hair that escaped from his tuft and studied the Cardale from head to toe, trying to connect his designer robes to some ghetto in the city, he just couldn't. He didn't care about the lie, but he would take some money from the malicious bourgeois.

“You know...” He chuckled that could easily be mistaken for complicity, but at the moment he just made it clear that Caleb's story had not been purchased “Margins are not courier deliveries, I can suggest some blades that could serve you better .”

“Sure...”

#

He parks the car at the pier ten minutes before the scheduled time and tries to control his heartbeat before anything. He knows he can back out at any moment and end up returning to Julien with his tail between his legs, ready to give him a blowjob and his signature on the wedding papers.

He can't do this, he need to go to the end this time. He ends up thinking about his biggest audience, three hundred people at a wedding that hired him at the last minute, remembers almost throwing up before going up on the podium to entertain the guests, but he swallowed the urge and went. At the end of the night I couldn't stop smiling with the applauses and gratifications.

Incredible things happen when we overcome fear.

Caleb fixes his hair with the help of the rearview mirror, hides the knife in the inside pocket of his heavy overcoat and got out of the car. His anxiety dissipates as if he is going to perform in a crowded stadium for the hundredth time, he could still fail miserably, but the excitement and the sense of victory make him feel invincible during the walk to the meeting point.

#

**Nov 12, 2015 6:00 PM**

The late afternoon weather bothers Julien, yet he dismisses the driver and his car. He plans to take Caleb out for a romantic dinner and they can come home together. The speed with which the fiance overcame their struggle surprised him in a positive way, it could only mean that their love was capable of overcoming any adversity, even those socially seen as criminal moral errors. 

C is on his back, probably lost in the thoughts that proximity to water unleashes on him. Julien thinks that all that respect comes from a deep place in the partner, the same kind of core where his monster is, a vital connection formed when the waters washed away his parents. Caleb has suffered too much in his life, that's what connects them, Julien is sure that his destiny is to take care of him.

“Hello Caleb Wambsgans” He hugs the groom from behind, his hands meet the brunette's waist possessively and his lips place a soft kiss on his neck.

C laughs heartily, the kind J used to pull out of him in tickle duels held amid the messy bed sheets.

“It's still Caleb Cardale”

“For a short time”

“For a short time.”

Julien turns Caleb towards him and hugs him tightly, he will never admit it, but he was afraid to lose him. He was afraid because he loves him beyond any imperfection of his partner, he was afraid because his presence is the only thing that is constantly beautiful in his days and, above all, he was afraid because he invested too much time in Caleb and he simply would not accept the idea of seeing it being wasted .

When he pulls away, the groom's eyes are as gray as the water behind him and clouded by an unexpected layer of tears, Julien wishes none of them to fall, he just can't like Caleb when he cries.

“I'm kind of anxious about tomorrow.” he says in a slightly shaky voice.

“You know you can talk to me about anything”

According to Dr. Susan, communication is the mainstay of any healthy relationship, even if it meant helping your partner to realize that he was wasting time on an irrelevant topic, J did his best to always listen to what C had to say, without actually think about how silly he sounded most of the time.

Caleb sighs.

“Are you sure about what we're going to do?”

“The wedding?”

The brunette nods his head.

“Yes, you?”

“I love you Julien” It doesn't ring true, but he needs time, he doesn't know exactly how to draw the knife and attack “I'm just afraid that you will wake up one day and realize that you don't want me anymore”

It was a valid fear. In the middle of the second year, when Julien started therapy, the feeling of fatigue about his partner was real. He still loving Caleb, but no longer wanted to have him in his life. He felt it was unfair that he had to work so hard to be in a relationship with someone who would remain the same.

“I will never leave you.”

His eyes fixed on Caleb's while his right hand held his partner's chin, they didn't like to show affection in public, but J felt the need to show all his devotion with the kiss.

Caleb will be Julien's, Julien will be Caleb's. They will be together forever, because they have been united by a greater force, and it will provide the strength to face future conflicts.

“Do you want children?”

“Very soon.” He agrees “We will need heirs for everything we will build together. Don't you like the idea?”

“I don't think I'm going to be a good father to anyone”

“Of course you will.”

Julien did not really know how much of his statement was true. He was never interested in talking about his boyfriend's past, knew that he had been orphaned early and knew even better that orphaned children do not receive enough attention, did not need to hear another story about the poor parentlessly who miraculously survived until he became an adult.

The lack of attention that Caleb received as a child would not be enough to prevent them from having children, J was certain that children would be good for him and could even eradicate this emotional gap in his chest.

“Where will it happen?”

“In The River Café's Terrace Room”

A classic wedding location in the city, not exactly the most luxurious, but perfect for the emotional value, they have one of their first dates at the restaurant. Caleb's eyes shine with the information.

“Are we going to dance?”

“Of course”

“I'm going to be ashamed, I didn't go to many debutante balls when I was younger”

J offers the gloved hand to C, who holds it, giving the groom the opportunity to take him out in a dance. The wind is stronger and the river is geting more agitated every minute, it is almost night. Julien leads Caleb on a classic waltz, he goes very well, but he is shaky and has a high temperature. He cannot distinguish whether it is cold or nervousism, but he does not mind being rehearsing late into the night so that he does not feel ashamed at his wedding. It seems like a selfish idea, but he knows that his partner also craves perfection, he just isn't greedy enough to verbalize the feeling, J doesn't care if he needs to encourage him and push him indirectly in the right way. While at Julien’s side, Caleb will be daily elevated to his best version.

“Get closer” He asks.

Caleb leans his head on Julien's chest, who slows down his steps and reverses the order when they arrive almost at the center of the pier.

“Never betray me” Julien alerts “Never. Or I'll kill you.”

So Caleb does, when Julien turns him around, his hand reaches for the karambit in his coat, they come up again and, looking into the eyes of the one he once loved, the brunette sticks the knife. The man staggeres back, but at first there is no visible blood on his white shirt. It shouldn't be like that.

Julien's eyes darken completely, revealing two pairs as black as the night that fell over them. Caleb's heart is racing. J emits an animalistic howl as blood starts to drain, he pulls the blade without shame and his fluids reach the brunette's face. C knows he should run, but he is aware that he has nowhere to go.

Even if he escape the pier, change his name and run away to the farthest place he can imagine, the demon will never leave him alone. He will not have a second chance to destroy him, if he runs away he will be hunted for the rest of his life and he simply does not have the strength to continue in this game any longer.

“You little piece of shit” Julien, the creature, roars, his voice sounds loud like a thunder. One of his hands presses the cut and the other lets go of the karambit before meeting Caleb's face with a force never witnessed by him, which staggers, but does not show a reaction, fails to assimilate reality in alignment with his deepest fears “What the fuck were you thinking Caleb?” The thing approaches, throws another punch in his face and holds him by the shirt “Answer me, bastard.”

“I hate you” Says astonished “I want to leave you. If I marry you I will wish you death from the altar, every penny in my account will be spent on mercenaries, poisons and other attempts on your life. You won't have a moment with happiness by my side, every attitude of mine will be thought to reach you. I don't want your surname, or your fucking children. I want you to disappear, forever.”

J hits his head against Caleb's, yet he struggles to be dragged back to the edge of the pier, will fight until his last breath. The demon embraces the brunette once more, his blood stains him like ink while his possessive hand caresses his hair for the last time.

“I made you Caleb Cardale” Julien whisper in his ear “Now I'm going to destroy you”

Cardale tries to break free, but his physical strokes make him look even more insignificant, so J's hands wrap around his neck and all he can do is cry out. He spends the final moments of his life asking for help from gods who are not going to save him, only to die thinking he fought as hard as he could.

When finished, the demon touches the wound itself and uses his finger to paint “Helt Ensam” on the corpse's forehead. The words of his life marking his death. He throws the body into the water and does not expect it disappear completely on the surface, just turn back and leave, canonizing Caleb's insignificance in eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the official playlist to get more of the vibe.  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3HmdLDkH62PJblhL020EJI?si=2M-1MZ2VQgmzBTq7RsT_6A


End file.
